By Marc S. Sanders
Self-absorption is an expense of time for the outsiders looking in. At an hour and forty-one minutes, the time I spent to watch Melania Trump’s documentary, Melania, was a terrible cost.
The First Lady’s exploration of herself covers her personal experiences in the twenty days before the second inauguration of President Donald J Trump on January 20, 2025. Frankly, after the movie kicks off with a needle drop of The Rolling Stones’ Gimme Shelter (a favorite of mine), the mundane slugs on an endless runway.
Brett Ratner, the director who nearly destroyed the celebrated X-Men franchise and delivered too many Rush Hour films, covers Mrs. Trump walking in slow motion…a lot…like way, way, way too much. The first five minutes, even after the credits have finished, show Melania walk down hallways, step into elevators, step out of elevators and walk down more hallways into parking garages adorned with Trump campaign posters (great art direction) to get into a limousine that takes her to the airport to board a corporate Trump plane. Then we get to see her stride down the middle aisle that divides impeccable white leather, upholstered chairs. It’s like…MELANIA IS REALLY DOING ALL THESE THINGS. And I get to see it???? Me??? Really???
She’s a rock star or a superhero or perhaps she is simply MELANIA, because no one else could ever be THE MELANIA.
The main subject explains in monotone voiceover how she wants to cover the time she invests as a philanthropist and businesswoman in the days leading up to the inauguration. So, we get right to the important things first like deciding if her evening gown is tight enough around her waist and neck, and if the lapels on her suit need to be bigger. Hopefully, the designer can alter the collar on her white blouse. Plus, how should the shoulders look? There’s much to talk about. So, Ratner is wise enough to return to these pressing topics later when Melania single-handedly decides that the white band around her infamous lampshade hat, worn on Inauguration Day, is not narrow enough. Business! Philanthropy!
Staged interviews with young ladies looking to earn a position as Melanie’s personal assistant are weaved into the picture. I learned that the job is simply not 9-to-5 work.
I cannot say I’m a fan of Melania Trump. I do not think I’ve been a fan of any First Lady. I don’t know much about any of them. Though I was impressed when Arnold, Dudley and Mr. Drummond got to meet Nancy Reagan on Diff’rent Strokes with her Just Say No campaign. Reader, as an eleven year old it had an impact on me. It was straightforward, simple and to the point. Plus, she was friends with Mr. T. So, job well done Mrs. Reagan! Now, I was curious what could I gain from our current First Lady. Here was her opportunity to show us her very best.
Melania does a zoom call with the First Lady of France to declare her push for her Be Best campaign. The logo is written in blue crayon font. It’s cute. It’s eye catching and I never learn anything about it. I’m guessing it is aimed at children, but what is it precisely doing to benefit children? What tactics are being planned? What’s being executed? What events are taking place? Will Melania at least go to the Kids Choice Awards and get a pie in the face on Nickelodeon? C’mon Melania! Do it in the name of Be Best.
The most admirable moment in this self-described documentary is when Melania gets a visit from Aviva Siegel, an Israeli kidnap survivor from the Hamas attacks on October 7. She wears a shirt that shows an image of her husband Keith who was still in captivity at the time of this filming. This scene occupies about three and a half minutes of the entire movie. Aviva is welcomed to cry on camera while Melania’s profile is shot from across the sofa in a New York high-rise apartment. Melania doesn’t cry, doesn’t quiver, doesn’t ask a single question that I can recall serves any kind of consequence. Yet, the one-time fashion model complements Aviva’s shirt and how it looks on the poor woman. No promises or assurances are made in this brief moment. They sit on a grey sofa. Not a bed. So, don’t expect bedside manners.
On to the party planning for the inauguration dinners and celebrations plus more wardrobe insight customized exclusively for the First Lady. My wife watches reality shows showing home decor and reconstruction. My parents would watch Lifestyles Of The Rich & Famous during the decadent 1980s. What those programs accomplish that Ratner and Trump do not are the whys and hows. Why did this millionaire need that kind curtain. What drew them to those colors and patterns. Why call the yacht this particular name, and so on. Melania simply goes for the gold trim in the napkins and tableware.
She loves fashion designer Hervé Pierre’s evening gown, white with a black zig zag of fabric down the front and a high slit at the leg. Now, let me tell you. This is a dress!!!! It’s gorgeous and she looks gorgeous wearing it on the evening of January 20, 2025. Yet, for a film that devotes so much to this object how about telling me something about the inspiration for the design. If you’re going to invest so much into this piece of craftsmanship, then at least go deeper than having the woman literally look at herself in a mirror.
As the film is winding down a part of the country is on burning uncontrollably. The California wildfires that displaced so many people were happening ahead of Trump’s inauguration. Melania takes it upon herself to sit cross legged on a leather sofa in her ready room in front of a flat screen to watch the happenings unfold on FOX News. An expensive piece of artwork dangles behind her head. Her voiceover tells us that her heart breaks while Ratner gets close ups of her stunning blue eyes adorned in perfectly coifed mascara. It’s ridiculous how hollow this looks. An absence of emotion and sincerity. You could have avoided making so light of this terrible period by just not having her reflect at all. Melania is generous, however. She allows her heart to break.
The First Lady’s husband makes appearances insisting to his wife that he won in landslides across various states. We see him test one of his staffers who is unable to explain why championship sports are scheduled on the same day as the inauguration. Is this anything that anyone can learn from? Brett Ratner arguably has access to most of what the Trump staff and family can extend, and this is a nothing piece of nothing.
Melania mentions how her loving mother passed away a year prior and how she ran a fashion business that inspired her daughter to follow a similar path. Where and when was this business in operation? What was the name of it? The son in law Donald tells us that they loved her very much and she was a hell of a woman. Melania’s dad will reside at The White House. What else can we know?
Barron is Melania’s son with Donald. He never speaks. He’s shot from a distance. Never shows affection for mom and dad, but mom hopes he chooses a path that makes him happy. Finally, a parent admits it!!!
Melania’s attempt at bi-partisan openness has her attending Jimmy Carter’s funeral. I’ll say he’s one of the worst Presidents in American history. However, his philanthropic work following his service is second to none. Unquestionably, a good soul. Melania cannot even say that. Brett Ratner is not insightful enough to prompt the First Lady for a few words about Carter’s contributions.
Towards the end of the film, portraits of Jackie Kennedy, Eleanor Roosevelt and Mamie Eisenhower are shared. Why? I dunno. I guess I’m supposed to gather that Melania Trump carries on a legacy. Do Melania or Melania or these filmmakers know the specific contributions of Mrs. Kennedy, Mrs. Roosevelt and Mrs. Eisenhower, and what they personally mean to them? Truly, I can’t say off the top of my head. However, I’m not a First Lady making a movie about myself or my esteemed position. So, tell me what it means to you. Allow me to learn more than how your hat or your suit or your gown should look on you.
Be Best? How?
Homes are burning? Anything you gonna do about it?
A husband remains missing? Is there someone you can call? I mean I’m aware of the obstacles that come with politics and international affairs, but maybe this worried wife could gain from prayer with a Rabbi and you by her side.
I’m never expecting Melania Trump to singlehandedly fix the world. All I’m asking for is what she declared herself to be. A businesswoman and a philanthropist.
Mrs. Trump is a Michael Jackson fan, and her favorite song is Billie Jean. She barely flexes herself in the back of her limo to sing along. So, I get it when that song comes on at the beginning of the film. It might be the most genuine, insightful portrait of the whole documentary simply because it shows a small shred of natural humanity in the woman. That being said, why open the movie with the Stones’ Gimme Shelter? It’s gritty and gives me images of struggle, doom and grit. A dirty, garage band kind of song. The outer shell of Melania Trump is anything but a single riff or note of the Stones’ song. So why? I guess because the rights to use the number must be expensive, and money is no object to this superhero’s fanbase. The sacrifice this woman does from one outfit to another, from one limousine to another, from one estate to another.
No! Being First Lady is certainly not a 9 to 5 job.
Ratner concludes Melania by shooting his subject leaning on her fists against a glass table-topped desk for professional photos. She looks like a superhero ready to take on the world. Honestly, if Melania Trump were to enter a phone booth to change into her costume and don a cape, she wouldn’t be able to find the door to let herself out.
2 UNPAID MOVIE CRITICS!!!! 