by Miguel E. Rodriguez
DIRECTOR: Terry Zwigoff
CAST: Billy Bob Thornton, Tony Cox, Brett Kelly, Lauren Graham, Bernie Mac, John Ritter
MY RATING: 9/10
ROTTEN TOMATOMETER: 78% Certified Fresh
PLOT: The world’s worst department-store Santa experiences an existential crisis in between drunken benders and burgling department stores.
[Author’s note: This review is of the Terry Zwigoff-approved Director’s Cut, NOT the studio-released Unrated “Badder Santa” version created without Zwigoff’s input. The Director’s Cut improves on the original theatrical release, in my opinion, by removing a lot of extraneous scenes (the Advent Calendar shots, Willie teaching the Kid how to fight, etc.) while keeping some bits from the Unrated version, resulting in a leaner, darker, yet even funnier movie.]
I recently re-watched this movie with my girlfriend, first time for her, first time in a long time for me. I had forgotten how relentlessly funny it is, specifically because of how vulgar, offensive, and, let us not mince words, dirty it gets. I don’t know if it’s because this was the Director’s Cut as opposed to the original version, but I was also reminded of the earlier films of Kevin Smith. It has all the coarseness and low-budget production values of Mallrats, but with a better story and a funnier script (all due respect to Mr. Smith).
The film opens with our “hero”, Willie T. Soke (Billy Bob Thornton) getting drunk and puking in an alley while dressed as Santa Claus. This is the high point of the movie in terms of his character. It’s all downhill from here. Almost. Sort of. Anyway, we learn that he is involved in a somewhat-feasible scam with Marcus, a felonious dwarf (Tony Cox), and his rather materialistic wife, Lois (Lauren Tom, aka “Julie” from Friends…I was today years old when I learned that, thanks to Penni). After Soke does the Santa thing, muttering profanities under his breath the whole time, Marcus stays behind after hours, deactivates the store’s security system, and lets Soke in the back so he can crack the store’s safe. Meanwhile, Marcus steals whatever is on the list his wife gives him. (I liked that little touch; he’s not a random thief, he’s a very SPECIFIC thief.)
One day, a literally snot-nosed kid (Brett Kelly) perches on Santa/Soke’s knee and solemnly tells him, “You’re not Santa”…then peppers him with questions about the reindeer, Mrs. Santa, the elves, ad infinitum, while Willie does his best to keep up through his alcoholic haze. To say this is the start of a beautiful relationship is straining the definition of “beautiful” and “relationship”, but there is a point to all of it. Trust me.
There’s more, much more, that’s been crammed into this barely ninety-minute-long movie. The bartender (Lauren Graham) whose non-traditional sexual kink makes Willie implausibly irresistible. The department store detective (Bernie Mac) who senses Willie and Marcus are trouble but has plans of his own. The store manager (John Ritter) who claims he’s no prude but who can barely pronounce the words he heard coming from the dressing-room stall in the plus-size section where Willie was…well, modesty forbids. Not to mention the Kid’s grandmother with the apparent obsession with making sandwiches. And the profanity. The virtually non-stop stream of profanity pouring from Willie’s mouth. In a comic strip, his dialogue would be almost entirely composed of symbols and punctuation marks.
The executives at the now-defunct Dimension Films must have had cojones of solid rock to give this movie the green light. Who is this movie for? I’ve seen so-called “polarizing” movies before, but this achieves some kind of high bar. Some of the lines must be heard to be believed. Bernie Mac and Tony Cox have an exchange late in the film that belongs in some kind of cuss-word Hall of Fame. I can imagine Kevin Smith watching that scene and nodding his head in a kind of salute.
As I’ve said many times before, I have always had a hard time watching movies or TV shows with loathsome characters as the leads, no matter how funny they are. I have never been able to stomach Seinfeld for this reason, but I do acknowledge the ingenuity of the show’s writing and the comic skills of the actors. I just find it a shame it’s all been attached to characters whom I would cross the street to avoid. But here is Bad Santa, with a lead character who is not only alcoholic, but who is also suicidal, who haunts mall arcades to hit on teenage girls (“She said she was eighteen”, he says at one point), has no compunction about swearing around children, and beats the crap out of some local bullies who are picking on his new friend…then has the chutzpah to look at the beating as a turning point in his life. “You need many, many, many f***in’ years of therapy”, Marcus tells him.
And yet I don’t just like this movie, I LOVE this movie, because it makes me laugh. I’ve been sitting here trying to self-analyze my affection (if that’s the right word) for this film, but I am failing. I can only report that it has some of the raunchiest dialogue I’ve ever heard, that it is definitely NOT appropriate for kids, that it is certainly NOT one of Penni’s favorite movies (kudos to her for making it all the way through), and that hand-carved wooden pickles stained with blood are not the best Christmas presents ever.
And I laugh like a loon whenever I watch it. Sue me.
2 UNPAID MOVIE CRITICS!!!! 